10 Things You Will Never Hear A Student Say At Kent State University

Kent State University is a home unlike any other, or so I’d like to think (I might be biased). The funny, endearing quirks and oddities are what make these giant piles of bricks and construction tape lovable enough for us to spend the next four years -and countless dollars- here. After only a few short weeks this huge campus doesn’t seem so impossible to understand. Within the first semester of your stay here, you’ll be speaking the Kent State language like it was never foreign to you, but here is a list 10 things you’ll never hear a student say at Kent State University.

1. “I love parking services.”

The one thing that Kent State enforces strictly are their parking regulations. The dollar amount you pay to these people would probably be enough to pay ridiculously priced rent. There are sharks in these waters and they can smell your fear after turning into a lot where your permit is not valid from 7 a.m -4 p.m Monday-Friday.

2. “I think I’m just gonna stay in tonight.”

Every night is a celebration. Whether your 20 going on 21, burning couches, looking to get fratty, or wanting to enter probably some of the sketchiest homes you’ve ever wished to explore, you can guarantee that there is something going on that will make the Kent police a little nervous.

3. “No, I won’t swipe you.”

Kent State has introduced me to some of the most amazing people I have ever met and has aided me in making life long friendships, but if there is one thing I have learned it’s that friends swipe friends. If your friends on campus don’t give you a meal swipe every now and then, they are NOT your friends. Luckily, Kent is full of amazing perfect strangers that will probably swipe you if you simply walk up to them on the esplanade and ask.

4. “The squirrels are nice! They don’t scare me?”

By day the black squirrels that inhabit the city of Kent are playful and cool to look at, but if you’re walking back to your car or dorm after a night class and a ball of black fur jumps out at you, you can add that to your list of traumatizing experiences. They are extremely cute in the day light but at night when something is following you and you are unsure if its a human or a squirrel playing tricks, you’ll start to lose your friendliness towards these little guys.

5. “Wholly Habaneros is just as good as Chipotle.”

Why ruin a good thing? We have a chipotle located at the edge of campus in the city of Kent, and the line is never short enough to ‘run in real quick’. The idea of Wholly Habs is a good one, but sometimes ideas look better on paper. The things we hold near and dear to our hearts (Chipotle) can just simply not be substituted or replace (Wholly Habaneros).

6. “Akron is a nice school too.”

There is an unwritten rivalry between Kent and Akron and it will never be put to rest. No sport game will be more important then Flashes vs. Zips. It gets more hype than the SuperBowl. Simply put, friends don’t let friends go to Akron.

7. “It’s not that windy outside.”

For those reading that don’t know, the campus of Kent State was originally planned to be put in sunny California, but after a strange turn of events we started production in the region where weather is pretty much unpredictable. Because of it’s original plans, the campus was designed to generate wind throughout the main areas, and when the decision was made to move to Kent, Ohio, that aspect was still left in the blue prints. So students, zip up your coats, grab your scarves, batten down the hatches and girls don’t wear lip gloss because your hair, things, homework, and dignity will be flying threw the air shortly.

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8. “The walk to front campus isn’t that far.”

Realistically, it about a mile from most lots to Hilltop Drive, but it feels like 16+ miles when you’re walking it. It’s an uncomfortable 20 minute walk without factoring different expected things during the route. Things such as, snow, rain, seeing friends, not finding parking and most importantly dogs. I suggest everyone factor in an extra 5 minutes in case you run into a furry friend. When you actually think about it, are you walking to front campus or walking a 5k?

9. “I’d rather get Jazzmans over Starbucks.”

It’s affordable, convenient and not nearly as good. Jazzmans gets an A for effort but it just does not compare to Starbucks. Jazzmans has limited drink choices and flavors while Starbucks seems to be an endless world of opportunities. Although, when your a broke college student, ballin’ on a budget, and got meal plan to spend, Jazzmans will suffice.

10. “I love wearing shower shoes.”

To incoming freshman, the community bathrooms are dangerous, untraveled territory. The first week you think to yourself, “this isn’t that bad” but this is just the tip of the ice berg. After the first two weeks of classes, the species in the showers become apparent. Hair balls, unidentified substances and someone’s shampoo and conditioner that’ll be left there for weeks and weeks and weeks that everyone swears it’s not theirs. Shower shoes are extremely disturbing, but there for your protection.