8 Signs You’re an English Major at ESU

Shakespeare, Chaucer, Hemingway—as an English major you have discovered the joys of literature and writing so much so that non-English majors look at you like you belong in a room staring at yellow wallpaper. If you are an English major, then you can relate to the following. If you are not, then it’s about time you understand why anyone who is in our major is a special person to know.

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1. When we tell people our major, they worry about their grammar.

Yes, I am an English major. Yes, I will probably correct your grammar in my head. No, I will not think less of you if you say less instead of fewer. However, for the most part, I couldn’t care less about how you speak. I use slang just as much as the next person. In fact, much of literature is perfectly imperfect (grammar wise). Also, when I am not on the clock, when I don’t have to worry about my grammar being perfect, I won’t even notice your incorrect use of who. I may correct you just to get a rise out of you, but it’s all in good fun.

2. People expect us to have perfect grammar all the time.

Non-English majors love to point out when an English major misspeaks. Speech is much harder to control than writing, so we may say the wrong plural of deer (yes, I have said deers before) by accident. Just move on. Chances are, we have caught you committing many grammatical faux pas but chose not to say anything. Besides, our major is about much more than just grammar.

3. People always ask us to help with their papers.

Yes, I am a good writer. Yes, I am willing to help you when I have time. But, please keep in mind that I also have my own studies. If I am in your class, then obviously we both have to write the same paper. While I am looking over yours, I am foregoing time on my own assignment. So, if you want me to look over your work, please be courteous and give it to me ahead of time. Furthermore, if you have other resources you can use, please use them first.

4. Shop talk revolves around the greats.

Biology majors talk about body parts. Political science majors talk about politics. English majors love to talk about literature. When a bunch of us get together, you cannot get us to shut up. From an outsider’s perspective, we may seem a little pretentious, but I promise it is just because we are excited to find someone we share a common interest with. We love Shakespeare…deal with it.

5. We get lost in a story.

We’ve all been there…so obsessed with a story that we forget who and where we are. It’s like a strange trance that only the best writers can put you in. You step into the shoes of the protagonist and fall in love with the bad boy with the heart of gold. You cry at a character’s mother’s funeral. You laugh at the “father’s” lame jokes. For us, we live for the story, for the escape from reality. It is the best kind of high.

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6. Our minds are always full of stories.

We lie awake at night, words flowing through our brains. We dream of our next story. We hear our characters’ voices in our heads. That means our heads are always full of clutter. I like to say that all writers are a little schizophrenic. So, don’t think we are crazy. Just embrace our quirkiness, give us a pen and some paper when we start to ramble, light a candle, brew some tea, and let us write in peace.

7. We collect books like a baseball fanatic collects paraphernalia.

For English majors, the best part of Beauty and the Beast is that fantastic library. We probably haven’t even read most of the books we buy, but we continue to buy them anyway. We plan our entire interior design around where the bookshelves will go. If you want to make an English major happy, then just buy them books. You can never go wrong with the classics, or the latest John Green or Nicholas Sparks novel.

8. Our major is labeled as easy or irrelevant.

The common misconception is that being an English major is a breeze. But, I would like you to say that after writing a 10 page minimum on Shakespeare’s works. We do more than sit around and chit chat about books. An English major is like a psychology major, history major, sociology major, economics major, and political science major all rolled up in one. We analyze situations, research and understand multiple perspectives, travel through time and witness some of the greatest events in history, learn to be better communicators, and uncover truths of the human condition. We are more than just future English teachers (although that too is a noble profession). We are deep thinkers, hard workers, and passionate people who work just as hard as any other major. Being an English major opens up a world of possibilities, so if one chooses to go down this road, remember that it has been paved by some great people.