20 Hilarious Quotes From Film & Television

If you are looking for a good laugh, you’ve come to the right place. I compiled a list of 20 hilarious quotes from film and television that will put a smile on your face, and you will be dying to share with others. 

1. “Can you walk any softer?”

“Oh please, Jenna can’t hear us; she’s blind!”

In this Pretty Little Liars scene, Emily asks Hanna if she can walk softer as they are trying to sneak quietly.  Hanna responds with how Jenna, who is blind, cannot hear them. Spencer is about to jump in, but Hanna backs herself up by saying, “you know what I mean.” What is so funny about this scene is not just the fact that being blind and deaf are two different things, but often when someone loses a sense, their others are magnified. So Jenna would, in fact, be able to hear the girls and probably even more so due to her heightened senses. Hanna is full of hilarious quotes in the show, but this one by far takes the cake and sets up Hanna for the rest of the entire series with her one-liners that will split your seams. 

2. “You got into Harvard Law?”  “What like it’s hard?”

In Legally Blonde, Elle Woods works her tail off to get into Harvard in her own unique way. She does this to still be with her boyfriend Warner, who is only interested in a woman who will come off smart and fit the bill for what he says he needs in his life. She sets out to prove him wrong and show how smart she is. When she arrives at the campus and Warner is surprised to see her there, he is in disbelief that she could go to the school. This line she feeds him is hilarious and minimizes how hard it is to get into Harvard. Later, the audience finds out via Vivian that Warner was actually wait-listed and needed strings to be pulled to get into the school. 

3. “Janis, I can’t invite you because I think you  are a lesbian.”

This Mean Girls quote may not seem like a hilarious quote, but allow me to explain why it is the biggest joke in the film. Kevin clarifies that he only dates women of color when he thinks Cady has a crush on him. At the end of the film, Kevin asks Janis if she is Puerto Rican and says she is Lebonese. The joke is that Janis is Lebonese, and Regina mistook Lebonese for  Lesbian.  It was a joke that came back at the end of the film, and unless you paid attention to what everyone says, it would be hard to miss. It was clever and witty. 

4. “Your mother’s so old that her breast milk is powdered.”

Yo, mama jokes have been around for ages, but this White Chicks mama joke has us splitting our seams over and over again. Not only is the joke funny, but the actions that went along with it absolutely amplified the joke. Below is a gif of the joke and the action.  If you are looking for laughs, this film will have you laughing the entire time, but we expect nothing less from the Wayans. 

5. “You know, I consider myself a good judge of people–and that’s why I don’t like none of ’em.”

In an episode of Rosanne, she declares this sentiment while she is yelling at Fisher. She argues with Fisher as she doesn’t like him with her sister Jackie. She threatens him in the episode about hurting her sister, Jackie, and overall makes it clear she isn’t a big fan of his. This quote is hilarious because many people feel this way about others and in some way justifies her fear for her sister. 

6. “If I wanted to avoid doing things with people I hate, I would literally never leave my house.”

Dina’s quote from Superstore is hilarious. she delivered it with such a serious tone, but it hit hard. Some quotes are funny simply because of their relatability. I can vouch for many times I have wanted to say something similar to this when dealing with various situations. 

7. ” I’m kind of psychic. It’s like I have ESPN or something. My breasts can always tell when it’s gonna rain.”

This Mean Girls quote in its entirety is hilarious. Karen is off in so many ways. She doesn’t realize you already have five senses and that ESPN is a channel, not the same thing as ESP. Finally, she expresses she can tell when it’s going to rain by her breasts. It is hilarious because she then continues by saying that she can tell that it is raining. The whole conversation between her and Cady makes you want to smack your forehead while laughing. She delivers her lines with such sincerity that we would actually believe she believes everything she just said, and that makes it even more hysterical. 

8. “Helen Cutler’s son was in a wrestling match once, and his head popped right off. And Now he lives his life as just a head.”

This Goldberg’s quote from the ever hilarious Beverly Goldberg is just one of many of her lines that leave us laughing. She explained the dangers that could happen to them if they wrestled or followed that path. Beverly is always dramatic and over eccentric, but it is all in the name of love for her children. 

9.  “This one says: I’m going commando. I don’t really get it, but I support the military.”

Sue heck from the show The Middle says many hilarious things; most of the family has some pretty laughable one-liners. This quote was said while she was going through the key chains she collected and was telling her family about this one in particular. It shows how naive she is despite her age, and because she is so innocent, it made this scene pretty funny. 

10. Teacher: “Now, class, I have a surprise for you.” Blossom: You’re getting a nose job?” Bubbles: You’re getting married? Buttercup: You’re getting fired?”

This scene in Power Puff Girls shows off each girl’s personality and how they see things in the world in general. It is also funny how off the wall the guesses are. Perhaps the marriage one isn’t too crazy, but the other two guesses are quite funny. Still, they have to wonder how exactly would these relate to surprises for the class. 

10.  “Relax, mom, I already know the bad words. Darn, booger, and Donald Trump.”

This Fuller House scene is just one of several that take digs at Donald Trump. Whether you support him or not, the jokes are still pretty funny in their delivery by a witty child. Another scene is when Kimmie puts her feet up on the table and says, “once again, my feet saved the day.” Max chimes in with, “Yeah, but they smell like Trump.”

11. Red:  “What did I tell you about calling your sister the devil?” Eric: That it’s offensive to the devil?”

This scene from That 70’s Show is quite hilarious. Eric never gets along with his sister, and she often pulls a lot of stunts to get him and his friends in trouble. She pulls the fake tears out, and he gets out of trouble with ease. 

12. Kitty: “Help me with this crossword puzzle. I need a four-letter word for disappointment.” Red: “Eric.”

Red is always making fun of Eric and his behavior. He is often seen calling him a dumbass and talking about how irresponsible his behavior is. He is quite blunt and delivers his lines straight-faced, which makes his lines even more hysterical at times. 

13. “Who is Justice Beaver?”

Dwight in the show The Office said this simple but funny quote. Everyone knows who Justin Beiber is, whether you are a huge music fan or not. 

14.  “I am Beyonce Always.”

Michael Scott from the show The Office says this quote, and there really is no explanation needed. It is funny and delivered with such confidence and certainty it is quite hilarious. In case you do want the back story on this little gem. The argument between Michael and Andy are talking about the movie Obsessed starring Ali Larter and Beyonce. Andy says that in cheating movies, the one being cheated on is the hero, so he declares Beyonce and Michael is Ali Larter. Michaels response is, “I am Beyonce always.”

15. “I may seem calm, but it’s a calm anger, which is a much scarier type of anger.”

This scene from Fresh Off the Boat is just one of many hilarious things said by the cast. The show is packed with a lot of funny moments and quick-witted lines.  This quote stood out to me because I tell my husband the same thing. A calm anger is much scarier than any other visual anger you could imagine. Usually, the calmness brings forth a wrath you cannot imagine, and Jessica telling her husband this with such a straight face and low voice makes this scene that much more fun to watch. 

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16. Jessica: “If you try to suspend our son for this, we will sue everyone in this school.” Louis: “So fast it’ll make your head spin. Hey, it’s the American way, right?” Jessica: “You know about that.”

This quote from Fresh Off the Boat is funny because it makes fun of American Culture and how Americans often handle things by threatening to sue. However, the reason behind them claiming to sue was horrible. This is the first episode of season 1, and the Huangs are in a new place, and everything is new to them. They moved from D.C. to Florida. Their son Eddie was called a racial slur, and while Eddie tried to befriend this kid earlier in the episode and fit in with the kids, he was on the end of a horrible slur. He then hit the child, yet the kid was not in trouble for how he spoke to Eddie. Therefore, Louis and Jessica made it clear how unfair and inappropriate it was that the school was in favor of the other boy and was not reprimanded. The principal then tells the Huangs Eddie could be suspended for his behavior, and the result was the quote above. 

17. “I’m cool. Plus, I’m black. Which is cool. So I win twice.”

Zoey states this line in the show Black-ish with such confidence, which comes off funny and great to see in a young woman. 

18. Bumper: ” I have the feeling we should kiss.” Fat Amy: I sometimes have a feeling I could do crystal meth, but then I think eh, better not.”

This scene is one of my favorites from Pitch Perfect. The way Amy responds to Bumper is hilarious and clever.  To get the full impact of this scene, click here to watch a snippet. 

19.  Aubrey: “What are you doing?” Amy: “Horizontal running.”

In this scene from Pitch Perfect, the girls are getting whipped into shape for their acapella group, the Barden Bellas. Amy has decided to lounge, lying down in the seats as the girls run around. Aubrey finds Amy and asks her what she is doing, and Amy responds she is horizontal running and then begins to kick her legs. 

20.  “Um,  Ms. Spencer, see you in the fall. Mr. Iglesias, see you in the drive-thru.”

In this scene, the kids have just been graded by Ms. Spencer to see if they have passed Mr. Iglesias’ class. Each student had to present their project to them privately. After Marisol does her project, she puts on a McDonald’s Visor to indicate she is heading to work (her character is known to hold down many jobs for herself and her family). She turns to Mr. Iglesias and tells him she will see him in the drive-thru, whereas most of the teachers, the kids won’t see until the fall when school starts up again. 

There is an endless amount of hilarious quotes in film and television and not enough space to share it all. However, we hope you enjoyed some of the ones picked above, and if you found any of them funny be sure to share them with others.

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