Divorce seems to happen more often than not lately, and although it’s never easy for anyone, it’s usually for the best. However, not every couple is doomed from the start; many couples stay together and love each other fully for their entire lives. Divorce can be hard on every family member, but it’s the children involved that will always have the most unique relationship as a result of divorce. Whether your parents are separated, divorced, or having marital issues in general, it’s important to know that everything you feel is justified and you are not alone.
It can be hard at first to accept what’s happening. Life will never be the same, and even if you’ve felt it coming for a while, it’s still shocking and hard to grasp that your parent’s marriage will be over.
Whatever the circumstances are, you will feel angry. It could be at yourself, your mom, your dad, the both of them, or just the situation in general. Eventually, your anger will dull and the situation will become easier to accept and move on from.
There was once a time when things seemed okay, completely different from the current situation you find yourself in. You may dwell on some of your happiest moments as a family and think “what went wrong?” It’s hard moving forward knowing that things will never be the same.
When you see your parents together, even after they have separated or divorced, it’s almost like a small reunion. Seeing them together brings back so many memories and begins to feel like the old times that you would spend together—especially when all of this is still new for you.
Although it’s important to keep the lines of communication open with both of your parents, it’s also very necessary to have alone time. You need privacy, away from everyone else, to form you own thoughts and opinions on what’s going on around you. You need time to process the situation for yourself.
In some cases, even without noticing, parents who are in the process of divorce may try to persuade their children to take their sides in the situation. In these cases, it might feel frustrating and scary because you love both of them equally. Keep in mind that this divorce is their issue—not yours. Do your best to stay as neutral as possible.
Watching anyone’s relationship end is hard, not to mention your own parents’ relationship. Being in the presence of happy couples will be the worst. From my personal experience, I felt slightly discouraged by the crumbling of my own parent’s marriage and couldn’t help but wonder, “Is this the inevitable? Are we all doomed from the start?” But it’s important to know that every relationship is different, and you are responsible for the outcome of your own relationships.
The course of your life has just been changed forever. With this huge change, the future of your life is more unknown than ever. This uncertainty can be kind of scary. It’s important to remember that whatever happens is meant to be. You will be fine and everything will fall into place on it’s own.
As a child involved in a divorce, you’re left with many confusing thoughts and questions as to why this is all happening. Sometimes, it’s easy to jump to conclusions that it the divorce had something to do with you. It’s important to remember that the divorce is not a reflection on you. The divorce is your parents issue, and you were the best thing to happen to them.
We learn from everyone around us. Seeing other people’s errors and problems unfold serves as a blueprint of what not to do in your future. Take their failed relationship and use it as a guide to better yours.
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